"Nel, this card is a complete fake - the Alps are nowhere as close as this. Am living the high life here - I can't believe how many Ambassador's receptions I've been invited to, and I've put at least 2 stone on eating Ferrero Roche. I've got a big sausage for you in Ullapool, which this bloke thrust into me the other day (ooh-err!). See ya Saturday, Herr Lexmeister."